Menanti Sebuah Jawaban #KeluargaMaheswara

Bahwa hidup adalah tentang menanti sebuah jawaban. Jawaban tentang apa yang selama ini kita usahakan. Kita perjuangkan. Kita nantikan. Bahkan kita tak pernah tau dengan pasti bagaimana skenario jawaban itu datang. Kewajiban kita adalah terus berusaha bahwa yang Tuhan beri pastilah yang terbaik.  Ketakutan yang sering kali datang tentang apa yang kita mau tak selalu menjadi apa yang kita butuhkan menimbulkan kegalauan yang terkadang membuat hati risau.

Hari ini hari kepulangan Ayahku dari Tanah Suci. Seperti penantian panjang meski tak kurang dari 9 hari beliau disana. Rasa-rasanya aku tak sabar dengan jawaban yang ia bawa. Akankah aku bersama orang yang diam-diam aku harapkan, atau justru sebaliknya.

12.00 Bus Damri dari stasiun Gambir menuju Bandara Soekarno Hatta melaju. Hari itu hari jumat. Aku ingat betul. 27 Januari 2017, aku izin atasanku untuk sekedar bertemu ayahku sejenak dan Alhamdulilah diberi.

Rasa cemas, kalut dan gundah menghampiri. Bagaimana tidak? apa yang terjadi jika apa yang aku takutkan selama ini menjadi nyata? bagaimana jika aku pada akhirnya menikah dengan orang yang ‘mulanya‘ tak ku suka? atau bagaimana jika pada akhirnya tak ada satupun yang Allah pilih untukku?

Keringat dingin datang. Air mata mengucur deras. Orang disampingku sesekali melihatku cukup lama. Memperhatikanku dengan terheran-heran. Aku sibuk membuang muka ke jendela dengan hati yang nyaris mati rasa. “Aku kuat Ya Allah, Aku Pasrah dengan segala pilihan-Mu” aku menangis lagi setiap mengucap itu. Aku tau aku tak mampu. Lalu, ku perbaharui istighfarku.

Aku sampai di terminal 2F. Mencari-cari salah satu travel berwarna biru dengan slayer kuning asal jawa. Badanku sudah gemetar, mencari-cari dimana Ayah. Lantai 1 tak ada, turun ke ground. Dan ternyata tak sulit mencari biro tersebut, pun dengan mudahnya aku menemukan ayahku. Aku berlari kencang, salim dan kemudian memeluknya. Orang-orang disekitar sudah sangat familiar denganku, itu kenapa aku tak terlalu khawatir tetiba nyelonong dan merangkul leader pemberangkatan bulan ini.

Aku menyapa orang-orang disana dengan ramah, pun dengan ayahku yangg terlihat welcome meski mungkin agak shock karena belum pernah satu kalipun ia dipeluk anaknya dihadapan umum, jangankan dihadapan umum, saat idul fitripun tidak wkwkw.

Tak berapa lama, aku membantu jamaah lain memasukan koper-koper ke bagasi. Aku sebenarnya tak sabar dengan jawaban Ayah. Tapi aku tau diri, ku bantu jamaah lain menuju bus. Mengantar ke toilet, atau bantu membagi-bagikan nasi box yang sudah disediakan. Tanpa diminta.

Setelah situasi kondusif
“Beh, jadi apa jawabanya?” aku bertanya dengan mulut bergetar. Ayahku melihatku lekat. Cukup lama.
“Beh . . . intan pasrah” aku menunduk, kemudian mulai mengisak
“Hhhh . . . babeh sudah berdoa disana, tak kurang-kurang untukmu”
Aku diam menunggu kelanjutanya.
“Lalu”
“Jawaban babeh adalah jawabanmu”
“Maksud babeh?”
“Apa yang kamu pilih dan kamu yakini insyaallah adalah yang terbaik untukmu”
Aku berkaca-kaca. Tak tau harus bagaimana. Aku diam. Mencium tangan ayahku berkali-kali dan menucapkan terima kasih.
“Makasih beh makasih” aku menangis, mataku berkaca-kaca.

Tiba sampai kepulangan ayahku menuju jawa. Aku masih tersenyum tak percaya dengan apa yang menjadi jawabnya. Lalu, sekarang giliranku bertanya, sudah yakinkah dengan apa yang ku pilih? Apakah Ibu juga menyetujui? Bagaimana jika tidak? Mengingat alvonso masih menjadi yang sering dibahas dipermukaan? Semudah itukah jawaban Ayah diterima? Semudah itukah aku meyakinkan mereka bahwa apa yang aku yakini tepat? Benarkah yang aku yakini tak sekedar inginku saja? Benarkah dia yang terbaik untukku?

Lalu, ragu itupun datang lagi.

Bersambung

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