Dear Bojo #KeluargaMaheswara

Jika untuk tulisan lain kau memilih tidak untuk membaca, tapi tolong yang satu ini bacalah tulisan istrimu. Ini tentang begitu sulitnya ia mengungkapkan apa yang sebenarnya terjadi. Tolong, satu kali ini saja aku minta.

Jo, hari ini hari kedua setelah keputusanku dalam hidup memilih berhenti dari mimpi-mimpi yang sudah lama aku idam-idamkan, tentang betapa inginnya aku bekerja di pemerintahan, tentang betapa lelahnya aku menjadi pegawai kontrakan, tentang teman-teman yang begitu kekeluargaan. Hari ini aku lebih kuat dari kemarin, tidak tau kalau besok.

Well, aku menulis ini bukan untuk mengganggu liburanmu bersama teman-teman hari ini. Tenang saja, ku katakan bahwa aku lebih baik dari hari kemarin.

Terima Kasih atas pelukanmu yang begitu menenangkan. Disaat pagi ku buka mata, dan tak kudapati lagi ritual menyetrika baju dengan terburu, memasak ala kadarnya, merapikan kamar dengan tergesa, memoles muka seadanya, dan celoteh “Ayo jooo cepet nanti keretanya telat!!”Yaaa, rutinitas harian yang begitu merepotkan, tapi agaknya aku belum terlalu siap melepaskan semuanya.

Memang aku malas sekali mandi pagi kalo begini, terlebih cuci piring sebelum pergi, benci sekali berdesak-desakan dengan orang yang keringatan, belum lagi perjalanan 30 menit setelahnya, mual dijalan, macet-macetan. Jujur, belum sepenuhnya siap.

But Jo, sikapmu kemarin pagi membuatku bisa setegar ini. Kau tau betapa mudahnya aku berkaca-kaca dan teringat kembali dengan memori 3 tahun yang tak mudah untuk lupa? Kau tau betapa lemahnya aku dibalik sikap acuhku yang menghindarmu tiap kali kau beri canda? Jika bukan karena pengertianmu, yang bisa saja tersulut emosi karena tingkah anehku, aku bisa apa? Semakin gila? Terpuruk berhari-hari apalagi kau tinggal pergi yang tidak sehari dua hari? Meratapi betapa sebagian orang mencemooh, menebak-nebak spekulasi gossip yang beredar? Merasa sendiri? Merasa tak bisa apa-apa?

Terima kasih atas pelukan yang membuatku lebih nyaman dari yang aku pikirkan. Kau tak banyak bicara, memintaku untuk menumpahkan seluruh isak, diatas bahumu, bersandar, dan  tak memaksaku berkata apapun. Kau diam, kau tau yang aku butuhkan hanya bagaimana tangisan ini tak bersisa lagi.

Ah jo, taukah? Waktu yang kau ambil untuk telat berangkat kerja mungkin tak seberapa, hanya satu jam dari biasanya, tapi ini cukup untuk merubah semua mindsetku tentang penyesalan yang akan hadir dikemudian hari, membuatku semakin yakin, bahwa menjagamu dan calon buah hati kita lebih penting. Sikapmy membuatku merasa dihargai, membuatku merasa bahwa aku tak akan menyesal melakukan ini untukmu, untuk calon anak kita. Untuk mengharap ridho-Nya.

Dear bojo, terima kasih atas segala bentuk penghargaan yang selalu kau berikan. Kau tak pernah memaksaku diam dirumah atau bekerja menembus Jakarta. Kau tak pernah merajai meski kau pantas diperlakukan itu dengan titel suami didada. Kau tak segan membantuku mengerjakan apa yang menjadi kewajibanku. Lalu apa yang harus aku sesali dengan menjadikanmu panutan dan pintu menuju surga-Mu?

Sekarang aku berfikir, betapa menyesalnya jika aku tak bisa menjadi sumber kebahagiaanmu hanya karena keegoisanku mengejar sesuatu yang mungkin sebenarnya tak ada ridho darimu? Toh dengan dan tidaknya aku bekerja, kau sama-sama menghormatiku, tak merendahkanku, tetap mendukung apa yang menjadi citaku, tetap membebaskan aku berkarya, dan satu lagi aku bahagia karena sekarang aku lebih banyak mendengar ceritamu diluar bukan keluh-kesahku seharian. Tetap begini jo.

Dear bojo, terima kasih untuk menjadi yang paling baik dalam titik-titik terendahku. Perjalanan ini baru dimulai, aku tak menjamin menjadi seperti sekarang tak menemukan banyak permasalahan. Jenuh, lelah, malu, iri bisa jadi.

Suatu saat, atau mungkin besok, jika kau mendapatiku tiba-tiba terpuruk, bertingkah aneh, lelah berjuang, merasa direndahkan orang, dibilang bodoh mengambil keputusan dan hal-hal lain yang membuatku putus asa. Tetap disisiku dan ingatkan aku. Jangan diam. Jangan tinggalkan. Kau tau apa yang aku ambil tak semudah orang lain memutuskan. Tolong jangan bosan. Tolong jangan tinggalkan.

Agaknya selama ini aku lupa, bahwa menjadi istri, ibu dan memiliki anak adalah cita-citaku selama ini. Betapa meruginya jika aku menyia-nyiakan kalian. Doaku dipenghujung malam sebelum kita dipertemukan. Lantas, ketika segala kenikmatan Allah paparkan? Semua pinta sudah Allah kabulkan? Masih pantaskah aku mengingkari apa yang sudah diberikan?

Dear bojo, jika suatu hari kau berubah pikiran dengan semua ini, tolong rasakan, bahwa aku berjuang seberat ini salah satunya untukmu. Aku memilih ini untuk mencari ridhomu. Aku menjalani ini demi berkah bersammu. Bukan hal yang mudah untuk seorang Intan Afiah. Semoga kau mengerti itu. Doakan aku bisa menjadi lebih baik lagi. Berkarya sesuai dengan mimpi dan hati. Menjadi istri dan ibu yang meneladani. Amin

Jakarta, 10 Mei 2018

Untuk Andhika Cipta Maheswara

Dari istri yang selalu gengsi bilang “i love you too”

339 Replies to “Dear Bojo #KeluargaMaheswara”

  1. Baguuusss tulisannyaaaaaa 😘😘😘

    1. Ayo ditya nulis juga ❤️❤️❤️

  2. Kak intaaan.. selalu bikin hanyut kayak arus sungai deh 😭

    1. 🤣 nikahhhh nikaahhh

  3. 😍😍😘😘😘

    1. Uniiii ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  4. Maa syaa Allah kak. Fii amanillah. Muahhhh…(nui)

    1. Ontinuiiiii #pelukk

  5. Kak intaaaan… luarbiasaaaa… kakak panutankuuuuu

    1. Hahahahahha besok kamu gini aja tut biar ak ada temennya 🤣

  6. MasyaAllah Intan …. Jadi terinsprirasi buat resign 😅

    1. Ayo resign!!! 🤪

  7. Kakak pasti kuat, karena ga selamanya orang-orang akan merendahkan keputusan seorang perempuan untuk resign. Apalagi untuk tujuan yang lebih mulia. 🙂
    Selalu jadi yg menginspirasi kami ya, terutama aku.. 😊

    1. Ahhhh ekaaaa, makasi lhooo semangatnyaaa aku terharuuuu, ayo km lebih semangat lagi ya! Nanti kalo udah merit kita ngerajut bareng wkwkwkw

  8. Stay stronger sist!
    Insya Allah keputusannya terbaik kok. Kan udah istikharah 🙂

    1. Aminnnn makasih tanteeee, semoga tante jg diberikan kemudahan buat farwelparteeeehhhh hahahah

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