Yes! I Quit!

Bukan hal yang mudah, bahkan diluar dari perencanaan sebelumnya. Aku, Intan Afiah, yang begitu bangga dengan almamateri 3 huruf instansi pengawas sector jasa keuangan, memutuskan untuk berhenti disaat cita tinggal selangkah lagi.

Kau tau? Dulu aku sangat serakah dalam berdoa. Semuanya aku minta. Tak spesifik, tak jelas wkwkwk. Bekerja di Perusahaan IT tapi ga mau ngoding, menjadi desainer, kerja didepan monas, pemerintahan, gaji besar, banyak foto-foto sama temen-temen, actually ini really-really aku panjatkan didepan ka’bah.

Dan kalian tau? Semua permintaanku dikabulkan. Pertama aku kerja menjadi technical writer di salah satu consultant IT di Mega Kuningan. Ga ngoding Cuma nulis-nulis doank, lalu dilanjut menjadi web Desainer ditahun berikutnya masih ditempat yang sama. Well, mungkin karena aku ga spesifik minta jadi desainer apa jadinya terkabul jadi Web Desain, dan itu ada ngodingnya. Lanjut lagi jadi Business Intelligence masih perusahaan yang sama. Ini ga ngoding, tapi cukup pelik mengingat aku ga suka sama sekali dengan database.

Saat di consultan IT

Ditahun ke 3 aku dijakarta, Allah mengabulkan permintaanku selanjutnya. Aku diberikan kesempatan di lembaga independen, Pemerintah Non BUMN yang lokasinya tepat disayap kiri monas dekat patung kuda, belakang kementrian pariwisata, butttt . . . aku dinobatkan menjadi analis junior disalah satu grup / direktorat Sistem Informasi disini. Tetap ngoding sih, dan kalian tau semua, bahwa tanganku tak seterampil itu menuliskan kode dibandingkan mengukir pensil diatas kertas. Hyufff. Meski begitu, semua teman-teman mendukung, menyemangati dan membantuku untuk bisa mengerjakan semua.

Hal yang paling menggembirakan apa coba? Gaji aku 2x lipat dari sebelumnya, dan percaya ga percaya, ditempat ini adalah tempat terbanyakku foto dengan teman-teman. OMG! Allah mengabukan doa sekompleks ini? Dari jaman SMA aku memang suka iri dengan teman-teman yang foto bergerombol untuk buku tahunan. Iri dengan banyaknya teman-teman dalam suatu komunitas yang kece gila. Disini aku menemukan pesta kostum, buka bersama anak yatim, dan banyak keseruan lainya seperti, yoga, kelas menulis, kelas fotografi pengajian, outing, dinas keluar daerah, kartinian, karaoke, dan masuk majalah beberapa kali hahaha fabiayyiala irobbikuma tukadziban.

Tuhan Maha Baik. Dalam 3 tahun ini jatuh bangun, susah sedih aku jalani apa adanya. Sempat kecewa kenapa aku tak diangkat ditahun yang sama seperti teman-teman lainnya. Aku tak pernah benar-benar paham tentang arti “Allah akan kasih kamu yang terbaik” disaat menurutku menjadi pegwai tetap adalah hal terbaik yang menunjang diraihnya cita-citaku secara bulat “Kerja dipemerintah”

Dan mungkin aku menemukan jawabanya sekarang. Allah memberikan kesempatan untuk menjadi pegawai tetap itu, disaat aku sudah menikah, disaat aku sedang mengandung, disaat proses pemutihan (jadi gaes, kalo kita udah 2x perpanjang sebagai pegwai kontrak, Cuma ada 2 kondisi, diputihkan sementara waktu (dikasih libur, kemudian kontrak lagi) atau dirumahkan (dipecat)), disaat mendekati bulan Ramadhan.

Kenapa? Ya aku baru sadar, mungkin jika aku menjadi staf gajiku 3x lebih besar dari gaji pertamaku bekerja dulu, aku memiliki standarisasi yang tinggi terhadap laki-laki. Dan tak sedikit mereka yang akan mundur melihat kenyataan ini.

Lalu, akupun begitu takjubnya mengetahui bahwa selang satu bulan setelah menikah aku diberikan amanah yang luar biasa untuk menjadi seorang Ibu. Yah meski kandunganku sempat beberapa kali divonis lemah.

Kemudian pemutihan? Aku bisa beristirahat, mengetahui rasanya jika tinggal dirumah dan mengurus suami. Mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah, menyulam, menggambar, menulis wow itu menyenangkan. Aku merasa lebih harmonis, aku merasa lebih bahagia.

Aku istikhara saat itu. Memang kondisi kehamilanku tidak sestrong yang lain. Aku butuh istirahat lebih meski dokter tak memberi, baginya “bedrest itu hanya dilakukan untuk ibu yang tidak bekerja. Jangan keluhkan keadaan, ibu bekerja memiliki tanggung jawab bekerja. Karena suami yang baik, melihat istri seperti ini tak akan membiarkan ia berlama-lama menanggu resiko. Tugas mencari nafkah adalah tugas suami. Bukan istri!” SKAK MATT!! Ini yang dokter katakana ketika aku ngeflek dibulan-bulan pertama akibat load kereta yang luar biasa. Pun nasehat yang sama juga dilayangkan pada saat aku pingsan di manggari akibat tumpah ruahnya penumpang.

Bojo memang pernah memberiku opsi untuk bekerja dari rumah, sesuai passion, sesuai cita-cita. Tapi ia tak memaksa. Ia percaya bahwa semua ada jalannya.

Ok lanjut, aku istikhara dah dihari seteah istikhara untuk memilih “DO / DON’T” bekerja, paginya aku pingsan dikereta, seperti yang aku jelaskan diatas. Ketika dokter mengatakan “ini berpotensi keguguran” kepalaku mau pecah, mataku panas berair, hatiku hancur. Sebagai calon ibu yang mendambakan memiliki anak dari kecil betapa tak hancur hatinya? “Mungkinkah ini jawaban istikhara?”

Aku tetap melanjutkan istikhara setiap malam. Dua hari setelah itu, surat pengangkatan dilayangkan. Dengan jarak yang luar bisa singkat, diakhir-akhir masa jabatanku yang mau habis, aku diberikan kesempatan test untuk naik ke level organic. WHAT? Apakah ini jawaban juga?”

Aku tak mau mendahului takdir, aku terus istikhara dan mengikuti serangkaian test yang dilakukan 3 hari setelahnya. Kesehatn, Psikologi, Forum Group Disscussion, dan terakhir wawancara. Aku masih istikhara. Termasuk ketika aku disidang dan diberikan gambaran bahwa menjadi pegawai disini harus siap pulang larut, suka tak suka dengan kodingan harus ditelan dalam-dalam. Mengesampingkan hobi demi tanggung jawab yang lebih besar lagi. Dari sini aku optimis “Ya! Aku bisa!

Tapi hanya Allah-lah yang Maha Membolak-balikan Hati. Didetik-detik terakhir, aku merasa betapa takutnya aku jika harus meregang nyawa setiap kali berangkat dan pulang bekerja. Tak ada satupun orang yang percaya aku sudah berbadan dua. Belum lagi  kondisi fisikku yang saat ini benar-benar lemah. Berat badanku turun, dari hasil lab anemia, terdeteksi ada ganguan liver mungkin karena mengkonsumsi obat dari dokter yang tak imbang dengan air minum. Aku takut kehilangan anakku. Apa yang aku cari selama ini? Allah sedang memberikan aku amanah? Seegois itukah aku?

Dalam detik-detik ini, aku benar-benar menikmati peran menjadi istri. Melayani sarapan pagi dan makan malam. Membersihkan rumah,  beristrirahat. Suami lebih bahagia, akupun sama. Tak terus-terusan mengutuki kereta sumpek mematikan yang setiap hari kutunggangi.

Aku memutuskan untuk mengundurkan diri. Memilih recovery diri untuk anakku nanti. Mengiyakan hidup lebih sederhana dari yang awalnya penghasilan 2 pintu menjadi 1 saja. Hal yang paling tidak pernah aku bayangkan sebelumnya. Ya, aku mantap untuk itu. Aku ingin membesarkan anakku dan mendidiknya dengan caraku sendiri. Toh aku pasti bisa berkarya, meski sampai saat ini aku belum tau mau berbuat apa.

Ya! Aku putuskan untuk mengundurkan diri. Disaat 8 Mei akan dilayangkan catatan dinas pengangkatanku ke Ketua. Disaat mimpiku selama 3 tahun benar-benar menjadi nyata. Tinggal mengangguk, lalu semua  plan hidup akan berjalan sesuai rencana.

But, Life is choice. Aku mengambil keputusan yang aku sendiri masih belum tau langkah apa yang akan kutempuh selanjutnya. Demi apa yang aku sebut kasih sayang, demi apa yang dibilang pengorbanan. Bukan keputusan yang mudah. Bahkan berkali-kali aku meyakinkan diriku sendiri “sanggup ntan?” dan orang-orang seperti suami, kasub, direktur dan kepala departemen yang menanyakan dengan berulang “yakin?”

Baik! aku mantap berkata mundur. Meski malam sesudanya aku menangis tanpa ampun, dan pagi setelahnya aku merasakan sedih yang teramat pedih. Ini keputusanku, jika suatu saat kau dapatiku kembali terpuruk akan hal-hal yang mengingatkanku pada ini, tolong kuatkan. Karena aku tak cukup tegar menerima kenyataan. Aku tak cukup tangguh untuk berpendirian teguh. Dan aku tak cukup berani melewatinya sendiri.

Bagi yang menganggapku bodoh, menyanyangkan keputusan yang kalian pikir diambil dengan gegabag, penuh emosional, karena faktanya masih banyak wanita karir yang anak dan suaminya gemintang diluar sana, berbicara bahwa “pahala masih bisa dicari dengan cara lain, tapi kesempatan ga datang 2x” well, aku ucapkan terima kasih atas segala bentuk apresiasi yang dihaturkan. Tapi satu yang aku pinta, tolong hargai keputusanku ini. Keputusan yang sudah dengan matang aku pertimbangkan. Dukung aku untuk menjadi lebih baik tidak dengan meratapi apa yang saat ini aku ambil.

Bagi yang bertanya “kenapa? Kan sayang? Aku juga mau kalo kerja disitu Cuma ga lolos aja”. Ia sama, aku juga menyayangkan, tapi hidup adalah pilihan. Aku lebih sayang dan memilih anakku.

Kan kalo sakit bisa dicover asuransi? Lahiran gratis, biaya anak ditanggung, sekolah terjamin” well, tidak semua bisa dibeli dengan uang dan asuransi. Aku sudah pernah divonis dokter “berpotensi mengalami keguguran”, aku takut jika dipaksakan, asuransi yang aku gunakan hanya untuk mengobati pesakitanku atas keegoisanku terhadap kesempatan yang sudah Allah beri. Toh uang tak akan bisa menghidupkan yang mati, dan mengembalikan waktu yang berlalu bukan?

Masih ada lho wanita karir yang suami dan anaknya jg berkibar” baik, aku tidak pernah menyepelekan profesi menjadi wanita karir maupun sebaliknya. Aku pernah menjadi wanita karir, akupun pernah dalam kondisi menjadi (calon) seorang ibu tetap bekerja, betapa perjuanganya luar biasa. Begitu pula dengan ibu rumah tangga, kau tau betapa banyak sekali yang menjadi urusannya sampai kadang ia lupa mandi demi anak dan suami? Meski aku belum merasakanya tapi aku tau itu juga tidak mudah. Aku ingin tetap berkarya lewat rumah, aku juga ingin menjadi wanita karir dari rumah, jadi mohon doanya agar aku bisa menjadi seperti wanita diatas.

Yakin kamu resign? Penghasilan jadi 1 pintu lho! Emang suamimu sanggup?” Ini yang dulu aku takutkan. Ketika aku memutuskan untuk mundur, aku tau resiko ini adalah resiko terbesar yang akan dijalani. But, we have Allah! Ia yang akan mencukupkan kebutuhan kami. Aku takut jika aku tak percaya akan rizkiNya, aku ingkar dan Allah akan murka. Ini tentang tauhid, dan aku belajar untuk lillah disini. Aku percaya Allah. Aku percaya semua janjinya. Saat ini aku hanya perlu lebih banyak berdoa dan sedikit sederhana, itu saja hahaha.

Baiklah teman-teman, ini mungkin salah satu yang menjadi alasanku memilih berkarya dari rumah. Aku mungkin tak se strong dan seberuntung kalian, yang memiliki fisik prima dan tenaga ekstra, aku mungkin terlalu lemah jika dihadapkan dengan kenyataan yang berhubungan dengan anak dalam kandungan. Percayalah, ini sudah menjadi keputusan utamaku. Tak menutup kemungkinan setelah ini aku kembali kerja kantoran, who knows? Allah sebaik-baiknya tempat mengatur. Yang jelas aku tetap harus berkarya dan tak mau diam saja. Bantu aku ya? Doakan aku.

Jakarta, 10 Mei 2018.

2 hari pasca resign dari kantor.

154 Replies to “Yes! I Quit!”

  1. Dear Intan,

    The dearest cute lovely kind cherish and strong girl whom I ever met, whom has little baby in her blessed womb.. berat memang keputusan itu, semoga Allah selalu memberkahi dengan memberikan jalan solusi dan selalu memudahkan semua keputusan baik yang sudah Intan buat 😘.
    Sehat selalu ya Bumil dan dede baby ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    1. Aminnnn l makasih pumaaa, doa yang sama aku panjatkan buat kamu yaaaa. Terima kasih semangatnya huhu aku terharu

    2. Nangis bacanya. Cantikku, semoga selalu sehat berkah ya. Allah Maha Baik.. #peyukintan

      1. Onticennnnnnn 😭 amin amin, #pelukbalikk

  2. Semangat ka intan sayang ((sends virtual hugs))

    1. Ka najibbbb makasih yaaa suportnyaaa huhuuu #bighug

  3. yuhdi setiana says: Reply

    i’m super proud of you dear, udut must be proud of you too, to have a wonderful mother as strong as you’re ❤️

    1. Makasih ontimonnn kesayangan keluarga maheswaraaaaa ❤️😭

  4. Semangat kak Intaaannn… Kak Intan pasti biiisaaaaa… Big hug 🤗

    1. Dityaku sayangggg makaciiiii

  5. Mba Intan sabar dan terus tawakal ya. Inget aja mba, kerja itu soal dunia, tapi anak dan keluarga itu soal dunia dan akhirat, bahagia itu sederhana mba, seperti nabi yg selalu mencontohkan kita utk hidup sederhana, yg penting hati dan iman kita yang kaya

    1. Amin amin aminnn, makasih semangatnya mba mona, loveeee ❤️❤️❤️

  6. InsyaAllah ini keputusan terbaik yg buat Intan dan keluarga..big hug 😘😘

    1. Makasi uniiii, amin semoga yg terbaik 😢🙌🏻

  7. Mbak Intan,
    Kekuatan fisik dan mental seseorang itu berbeda-beda, bener kalo ga bisa disamakan.
    Rejeki juga demikian, ga ada rejeki yang ketuker. Selamat menjalani keputusan yang sudah kamu ambil ini. Semoga lancar, sukses, dan semakin berbahagia yah bersama keluarga tercinta. Amin!!!!

    1. Aminnnnn kakacennn idolaa akuuuu, makasih semangatnyaaaa aku terharuuu, besok besok kita jumpa lagi yaaaa

  8. juandawahyuni says: Reply

    Aslm. Intan masyaAllah ceritanya. Pernah ngalamin gini. Pilihan yang bener sulit. Tapi saya yakin pilihan mu saat ini bermanfaat. Anak adalah rejekiNya, tiap anak yang lahir membawa rejekiNya. Istri di rumah suami kantor insyaAllah rejeki 100% . Akan banyak pintu2 rejeki yang datang. Kerja IRT juga udah dapat rejeki suami dapat pula pahala. Yg terpenting skg kamu happy2 aja biar anak mu happy, semangat sayang.. Allah bersama kita semua.

    1. Walaikumusalam wajannnndddd, amin amin aminn makasih supportny sayang. Ia ak percaya janji Allah terhadap hambaNya

  9. Pengen nangis bacanya, sedih😢

    1. Huhuuuu semangat yaaa calon sodara akuhhhhh jaga baik2 sodara ak y prellll

  10. Keep spirit broh, eh sist. 😏😏
    Keputusan itu ga ada yang salah dan benar, kalau kamu yakin ini yang terbaik, jalani dengan terbaik juga supaya ga ada penyesalan nanti dan tetap happy dalam apapun hasil keputusan itu. God bless..

    1. Mba leleeeeee malasih bgtttt, sukses buat mba lele dan SLIK HUBAAA HUBAAAA

  11. Kaaak intan.. semangaaat !! Semoga selalu sehat walafiat beserta calon dedek bayi. Aku yakin, kak intan akan tetap berkilau dimana pun itu..

    1. Aminnnn makasi ya tuty, semoga km disegerakan jg jd ibu ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  12. Laras Mutiara says: Reply

    Mba Intan,
    selalu berkarya di mana pun kamu berada mba.. Jalan rejeki bisa dr mana aja, mungkin Allah udah rencanain jalan yg lebih baik di depan sana. InsyaAllah skrg mba intan lg menggapai salah satu nya yaitu bertemu dg yg didadah2in kak dika di layar monitor usg (lol bgt ini ceritanya).
    Semangat terus, happy terus, keep explore smw ide2 dalam pikiranmu mba krn kamu org yg kreatif..
    *ditunggu karya2 dr rumah nya.. 😊🤗
    #bighug #wewillmissu

    1. Mba laraaaassssss, amin amin makasih ya mba laras, semoga ak bisa semakin explore lagi. Doain ya mbaaa.

      Oia semoga mba laras lancar sampe hari H, maaf ya mba kalo belum bisa hadir insyaallah doa-doanya nyampe
      Sakinah mawadah warahmah nggeh amin

  13. mbaa intaaaan, you can do this, mangat calon mahmudace (mamah muda kece) <3

    1. Amin aminnn makasi juju sayangggl doain aku terus yaaaa

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