Bimbang #KeluargaMageswara

Ketika pasrah adalah satu-satunya cara untuk lillah, dan tak temu adalah mekanisme paling mudah dalam kurun waktu menunggu, aku memilih tenggelam dalam lautan penantian. Dalam bait-bait doaku bermunajat, semoga belenggu gelisah tak melulu menyiksaku dan menjerat.

Satu bulan lebih kita tak saling temu. Memang sengaja, agar tak condong katanya. Meski kadang satu dua kali saling sapa, menanyakan kabar, sedang apa dimana?

Dalam proses ini, ntah mengapa lagi-lagi banyak sekali kisah lama yang dihadirkan kembali. Orang-orang yang sempat pergi, kemudian datang lagi. Melanjutkan cerita yang menggantung. Menunggu kepastian yang sempat bersambung.

Tapi anehnya, justru banyak yang ketauan watak aslinya. Tak sedikit yang dengan sombong menganggap rivalnya payah dan tak selevel dengannya, tak layak bersanding dengankulah, menjelek-jelekkanyah, dan tak sedikit yang mengunggulkan kelebihannya.

Awalnya aku sempat nyaris termakan kata-kata mereka, tapi lambat laun aku sadar, sesungguhnya orang yang sedang menjatuhkan orang lain, adalah orang yang menjatuhkan dirinya sendiri.

Setelah Jawaban istikhara ayah selama umroh kemarin adalah menyerahkan sepenuhnya pilihan kepadaku. Dan selama itupun hatiku semakin terpaut dengan mas dhika, akhirnya kucoba beranikan diri untuk mengatakan hal yang sesungguhnya kepada ibu.

Ya, bagaimanapun juga restu terbesarku ada padanya.

Mah . . .” Aku menelpon ibuku dengan nada sangat datar.

Mah, intan pilih . . . mas Andhika” bibirku gemetar siang itu. Meski masih ragu, jika keluarga tidak setuju akupun tak mungkin menentang kan? Dan Mamah diam saja.

Tak mudah menerima orang jauh, yang belum tau bagaimana latar belakang keluarganya. Bagaimana tabiatnya? Apalagi beberapa jam sebelum aku menelpon mama, Alfonso datang dengan keluarganya. Jelas sangat kontras dibandingkan dengan bojo yang benar-benar tak tahu asal usulnya.

Ya, terserah kamu saja”

Aku tau, dibalik jawaban terserah mama, masih ada keraguan yang besar. Maafkan mas, jika berpisahnya orangtuamu menjadi salah satu pertimbangan yang benar-benar berat untuk keluargaku.

Kau pernah berkata “Siapalah mas nduk, lahir dari keluarga yang pecah. Mas paham, baik kepada siapapun mas melamar perempuan, hal ini menjadi satu catatan untuk dipertimbangkan”

Aku diam. Aku sedih. Seolah mengutuk takdir yang begitu sepihak.

Mas tau rasanya jadi anak korban perceraian itu menyakitkan. Itu kenapa, mas janji pada diri mas sendiri, mas ga mau apa yang udah nimpa mas dirasain anak-anak mas nanti”

Aku faham. Hampir semua anak korban perceraian memiliki cita yang sama.

Ya Rabb, jika memang mas Andhika tolong beri jalannya. Buat masa lalu keluarganya tak menjadi penghalang untuk kami berdua”

Malam ini, aku kembali terbenam dalam bait-bait doa tentang kemantapan. Semoga Allah segera beri kemudahan. Jika memang benar apa yang kupilih adalah jawaban, maka kenapa masih ada keraguan?

Jakarta, 30 Januari 2017

206 Replies to “Bimbang #KeluargaMageswara”

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